Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Ponderances

There are lots of decisions to be made. This whole garbage truck incident sure has made a freakin’ mess of things. We were trucking along just fine with only a glitch here or there with the whole return to work experiment. We've been considering an au pair to take the place of our current sitter, but something in my gut just isn’t agreeing with this. I don’t know if it’s the year-long commitment, having someone living in the house or just that she would be an unknown quantity in charge of my kids. If I’m going to continue to work, an au pair is the most economical and practical decision, but that little voice in my head just isn’t happy with it. At this point, it just might make sense to quit my job. The thought of quitting my job feels like such a relief. It’s not that I don’t like my job. It has the usual ups and downs of any job and the folks I work with are good people. I have good hours, good pay and good benefits. But... Little Man hasn’t been happy with me going back to work, Stinkerton would do well to have me a little more available and I would like to be more available to help out at the boys’ schools, take them to play dates and handle more of the household stuff that, as a secretary, I lack the flexibility to do. (Progenitor handles much of the come home and wait type stuff, since he's more able to work from home.) On the other hand, I will admit to some disappointment with the prospect of not working. I really liked the idea of contributing financially to the household. Before having the kids, I identified strongly with my job. I was good at it. I enjoyed it. It was my career. Now, I feel I’ve lost my edge a bit and on top of that I know my kids need me. The Progenitor needs me. He’s becoming so busy, that even while he’s able to maintain quite a lot of flexibility, it’s stressful for him knowing that I’m not able to handle all the little homey stuff like I did before. I know now, that what I was doing by just being home with the kids was just as important as bringing home a paycheck. One last decision… What project will I pick up first since I’ll have a hell of a lot more time to knit?

2 Comments:

At 3/27/2006 09:40:00 AM, Blogger amanda said...

We have that same circuitous conversation often. I'm uncomfortable with a live in au pair. Especially when it isn't someone I've gotten to know before hand. I've looked for someone to come to my house 2 mornings a week and maybe two weekend nights a month. That way I could run my errands, doc appts, etc. in the morning without the kids in tow and hubster and I could still do a date night thing twice a month (more than we do now!). My problem is that I want a regular caregiver...not a series of different ones.

And if I were to go back to professional life our weekends would be eaten up with cleaning, laundry, grocery getting, etc. We like being able to head out of town on the weekend, go to the lake, just relax. Sounds like your decision has been made so enjoy! They won't be young much longer =)

 
At 3/27/2006 05:58:00 PM, Blogger AmyDe said...

Steph - you know I stand right there with you, and you know that you are NOT "just a mom." Take care and here's a hug for you and your boys!

Amy

 

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